So I know this is petty and there are several people worse off than me, working in insurance makes that very clear, but there was an unwelcome side effect of the flash flooding in Melbourne. My shoes!
Normally I wouldn't complain, I'd already have gone to the closest shoe shop I could find, probably before I went out that night (to see Belinda Carlisle at Doncaster Shopping Town Hotel) to grab myself a new pair. I needed a classy pair of shoes to go with the classy venue.
I might have bought a couple of pairs, maybe three! Then I may have needed a new outfit to go with the shoes, a couple of tops, maybe a new pair of earrings, something leopard, they've got really awesome leopard at Sportsgirl at the moment, why did I go in there? Wait, what was I talking about? Oh that's right, not being able to buy shoes.
But I can't. I promised myself. This is the only promise I've kept so far (not buying clothing or accessories), well that and wearing a belt. See left. I think I need to wear another belt to achieve that goal. I've been wearing the same black pair of shoes to work for the last couple of months and now they are destroyed!
Why didn't I consider this before I started? I only have about 8 pairs, only 3 that are appropriate for work which includes a pair of purple suede pair with bedazzled heels and every time I wear them, my manager Zoe (who I have never seen look anything but immaculate) says, "Louise, I like what you're wearing, I'd wear everything except the shoes".
I'm in trouble!
I approached the scales, naked, took off my necklace just in case. Ensured that bladder was empty. Ensured that my hair was not wet. I closed my eyes, stepped on, took in a deep breath, looked down. 3.2 kgs lost in total. I breathed out. Success. My aim was to lose 3 kgs.
In hind sight, I have not been altogether 'good' in January. There have been plenty of slip ups, plenty of binges, barely any exercise and a week off the wagon.
There's also been very little focus on my 'closet'. True, I have not purchased anything, clothing or accessories, pat on the back for that Louise, your bank account is looking healthier, but in terms of mixing things up and actually using what I have to it's full potential, no good.
February I will make a few adjustments. Firstly, let's set my new goal, 3 kgs, which will take me to 75.1 kgs. Throughout February I am doing a fundraising activity in which I have agreed to cut out sugar. I can have a day off, but it will cost me $10 a day. I have a few events in Feb including Ingrid's 30th and 3 days in Ocean Grove, so I'm already paying $40, my goal will be not to pay anymore than this $40.
Goal 3, in Feb, I will go to the gym at least 2 times per week. Baby steps. Talking of Step, there is a 6.15 am class that I will go to at least once in Feb.
Clothing goals, I will wear 5 items sometime in the month from my 'hoard' of clothing and 2 items of my golden 18. Additionally, I need to wear a belt at least 3 days.
Finally, something needs to be done about my hair, I wear it up and crap everyday, you will see better hair in Feb, promise.
I'd better write this all down.
I forgot to say also, I got into my Millinery course. That starts in Feb, so a busy month.
So yesterday I stayed on full alert for my endulgent alter ego. As he likes to take over on Friday to Sunday and destroy the work I've done throughout the week, I figured I'd stake him out and have a chat to him, come to an agreement. Here's what happened:
6:00- wake up- no sign of him.
7:00- healthy b/fast, no issue
7:30- I'm on the train and he's not here. Have come to the conclusion that he gets up late. This should have been a no brainer really.
10:30- glanced at a lollypop. I think he's starting to stir.
11:14- Hmm, left over Tim Tams from the last morning tea. Where did they come from?
12:30- Walked to Schitz with Nick and stared, paralysed into the bain marie, turned around and there was a line of people behind me, waiting for me to order, politely explained that I'm not in line.
1:00- Ate 3 different types of cold meat while Nick ate his Chicken Schnitzel wrap with avocado and sweet chilli mayonaise to one side of me and Alexis finished off her glorious carby baked potato on the other side of me.
6:00- Had a dinner of 2 boiled eggs and some corned beef. On a Friday night, Leroy was insulted.
7:00- Met Corey in the city and drank some beers. Now for those that think that beer is full of carbs, I'm here to tell you this is not true, to put this in perspective, a stubbie of beer has 7.5 carbs, where a slice of bread has 16.5 carbs. Low carb beer is a just clever marketing. Beer is already low in carbs,so put down the Pure Blonde and grab yourself a Coopers Pale immediately.
Woke up this morning with a slight hangover, but happy to report that I did not get stuck into the baked potato and chicken schnitzel sandwich I craved.
Tonight I'm going to have dinner at Sarah's. She is making a roast and am not having any potatos or pumpkin. Should be delicious.
The secret? Talk to your fat alter ego, challenge them, kiss them, hug them and tell them that you are stuck together for life, so you'd better get used to living by your healthy new rules.
In other news, took Charlie to the vet today and he has lost......................0 kgs. After 2 weeks of no snacks! Welcome to my life Charlie.
I think it's time that you met my alter ego. You see there's the Louise that is motivated, joins multiple gyms, does yoga, is interested in the health benefits of green tea and occasionally flirts with the idea of a macrobiotic diet. This Louise works in this body Monday to Thursdays.
Friday to Sundays there is another occupant. For the purposes of describing this character I have chosen the baddest man in the whole damn town, Leroy Brown. Trust me, he is pure evil.
Leroy loves to have a good time. He throws caution to the wind and you may hear him saying lines like 'you only live once' or 'what's one more day, you'll start tomorrow or I'll have the 'I'll have the Jumbo popcorn with a Coke and a choc mint choc top please.'
Leroy has owned Friday, Saturday and Sunday for a long time and wants to take over completely.
What to do? I can't ignore Leroy, this just makes him more defiant and destructive. I will get him to write a Blog. He doesn't enjoy doing this as he's too busy eating and drinking, but I'll get him to do this for me, after all, we have shared a body for the last 30 years.
I'll need someone to speak to him on a Friday, find out what motivates him, find out why he doesn't seem to comprehend my plight and what it means to me. In fact, I'll get him to answer these questions for me.
Can we live in harmony together? Do I need to show him who the boss is? Can I reclaim just one day? Can I reclaim all days?
I do like Leroy Brown, but not all the time. He's like the friend at school that convinced you to come out with them on a school night and leave your assignment for later. I love this friend and have so much fun with them, but if I let them take over, I won't be able to reach my goals.
Maybe I need to show Leroy that if he helps me with my goals, we can have more fun than he ever imagined.
I can hear him laughing at me. Stop it Leroy. I'M THE BOSS!
Today was mine and Corey's 4 year anniversary. Went out for dinner. I'm trying Kirsty's approach and will be happy (and not guilty) about the food I consumed. The theory is that the endorphins released burn calories. I don't think the cast of Glee has enough endorphins to burn the amount of calories that I've consumed in the last 48 hours, but I'll try it.
The other theory recommended** was to set myself a positive goal rather than a restrictive goal, E.G. I will develop a healthy relationship with food over the next 12 months rather than, I can not eat crap and can't buy, well, crap.
Here goes. For the remaining 345 days, wait, is that restrictive? OK, no time frames.
I will be a healthy woman that will fit into clothes that I love and accumulate what I need.
Hang on, according to the Law of Attraction, I need to tell myself I have this already and I'll attract all I need to make it work, so finally..
I am a healthy woman that wears clothes that I love and I have all that I need... well that's it folks, mission accomplished.
**idea originated from Steph
It started with a meat pie from Brumbies and a latte with a real sugar. It then escalated to 1, 2, 3, 4 chocolate royals, then the rest of the caviar dip, with bread, bread what a great idea! More bread, this time with butter, then with butter and cheese. Then Chicken Parmagiana, with potatoes and peas, all topped off with an almond Magnum.
It's been 4 days since my last blog, 4 days without accountability. I won't make that mistake again.
I have 12 days till the end of the month, my goal is to have lost a total of 4 kilograms by then.
Today I had an ADO (known as an RDO to most people). I had an interview for a Millinery course (known as hats to most people). I think it went well, stay tuned for more on this. If you hear nothing, never mention this again.
Afterwards I went to Highpoint. Whilst there with my mum, Yvonne, she said to me 'can't you have a treat? Just one? (she was referring to clothing)' At that point I realised how similar my clothing and sugar cravings really are. Both are used to fill an emotional need, both are used as a treat, both give a short term high and both leave you with a longer term problem, a debt or thighs that you can't seem to shift.
The silver lining? Anyone?????
Today we took our dog Charlie to the vet with an infected anal gland (that's the third time he's anal gland has become infected for those playing at home). The vet advised that these pesky glands should be removed via an operation, but needed to lose 4 kilograms before the operation could be performed. Charlie will now be joining fat camp with me.
In other news, I weighed myself today. I've only lost 3 kilograms in total. This is completely unfair as I've been hungry all week long.
5 days into my diet I was down by 4.3 kilograms. What is up with this? It's times like these when I wonder why I don't just allow myself to be fat and happy. The old Louise would give up now. But not the new Louise, it's time for Charlie and I to up the ante. I've got leather pants to get into and Charlie has a closet full of collars that don't fit him.
I woke up this morning, refreshed and excited for a new day ahead. Then I remembered that I was meant to be angry at Corey over the Mad Men incident (great show by the way, very clever, watch one per night and digest).
Decided not to continue with the senseless anger and get dressed, casual Friday after all.
Put on a pair of pants that I haven't worn in 4 years and my adidas zip up that I haven't worn in 2 years. Got the following comments:
1. Are you going to a rave?
2. You going with the bogan look?
3. What's up coach?
Let the naysayers nay.
OK, so I just had a melt down because I couldn't get Mad Men to work. I pointed the remote at the sensor on the TV and pressed AV2 as directed and nothing.
I did all of this in the presence of my boyfriend and he added a very helpful "how hard is it?".
So, in an act of 'healthy' communication I quietly mumbled 'watch it without me' and stormed upstairs, closed the bedroom door and waited for him to come and collect me, apologise and walk me back downstairs to watch Mad Men.
45 minutes later and I'm now behind one episode of Mad Men and have red nails... I think I need a hit of carbs.
My mum just told me that she has a surprise, it's a Cornetto. I would love to eat a Cornetto, but the only snack I'm allowed as part of Body Trim is a protein only snack, a meat snack as I like to say to make my manager Zoe laugh.
Body Trim is a really good diet and it's really effective and you can almost get away with no one noticing your on a diet, except for the meat snacks.
I try to hide the consumption of my meat snacks at work in a bid to appear like a normal person, but it's quite challenging. Sometimes I try and hide my portions of ham and chicken up my sleeves on the way from the fridge to my desk, sometimes I stuff them in my pockets. It's the act of eating the meat snack that's the most challenging. I look around to check how many people are in the general vicinity and when there's not many around, I'll quickly but calmly eat it while looking busily at my computer screen.
Did I just blog about meat?
My friend Brad G today on hearing of my blog and ultimate goal, wisely recommended 'If you need to fit into your leather pants, I saw this guy at a bar that used a great trick, just cut the arse out'.
If it gets to New Years Eve 2011 and I haven't completed my mission, mark my words all, I will take up that suggestion and have a party in honour of those Arseless pants.
I'm going well with my diet this week and have gone to Pump as promised. Just to recap my mini goals this week were to go to Pump once, do cardio twice at the gym and reduce my cheat meals. Since I had 4 cheat meals last week, I will allow myself 2 cheat meals this week.
My best friend Ingy has got in on the act too, she's set herself a goal of walking 3 times this week and going to Pump twice. Now that it's on the blog Ingy, you're committed. Please report in by the end of the week.
I invite you all to set yourself a goal and post it as a comment, doesn't matter how big or small, it can be anything from going on a run this week, to wearing a fancy accessory everyday or even reducing the amount of bars you go to with men in crotchless pants.
Woaw.. bad photo. Note to self, get up early to allow enough time to get a decent photo taken in the morning.
But I guess this is about exposing the entire truth about Bridget Jones, I mean Louise Hutchison.
If I actually bothered to look at the photo in the morning, I might inspired to do something about the indents of my pants into my flab. It looks like someone's etched their name into a freshly laid slab of concrete. I'd like to say it will be the last time I wear those pants, but I've got very little to work with right now.
I don't know if I can recall the reason that inspired me to walk into Suzanne Gray for the first time, but I was hooked as soon as the lovely lady said 'why did you even pick up the size 14, you're clearly a size 12'. It's a great place to go if you're feeling down on yourself, but make sure you reassess when you come out of your funk. If I had have followed this advice, I wouldn't be a Harry high pants showing a little too much ankle (gentlemen overt your eyes).
I have realised today that I will need to start mending if things fall apart or don't fit anymore. It's amazing how disposable clothing and accessories have become. Being Green is meant to be the philosophy of our generation, but with the amount of crap we consume and continue to update, it doesn't feel like we're being Green at all. I remember the time where I would save my money to buy that one top from Sportsgirl or need to layby a pair of shoes. I would have had to justify the purchase in the first place and justify what it would go with and where I would wear it. As I think back, I recall how when I did get that item home I would spend hours in front of the mirror trying on different ways to wear it and introducing the new addition to the rest of my prized clothing. Wearing it for the first time was bound to be a special day. Being Green is not about buying (another) Green bag, it's about stopping the mindless waste. Get on board all.
Went for a drive to Geelong today. Started the morning with intentions of a healthy day, but accidentally stopped at McDonalds.
Time to get serious. I've started slow and easy in terms of food and excercise and next week I'm going to step it up. I will go the the gym 3 times next week, 2 cardio sessions and 1 Pump. Also, I think it's time that I start actually giving a shit about my appearance.
Challenge number one, mascara all week and a more corporate look.
7 days down and 3 kgs down. Yes I had lost 4.3, but after last nights choc top and popcorn combo, things have changed.
Today I put on the skirt I wore for 7 days over Christmas, but this time I'm not wearing it out of neccessity. In fact, no woman should be wearing a skirt when their legs are this hairy. My boyfriend is a lucky, lucky man.
I went to Ingrid's garage sale today and was very tempted to buy the lot for $250. Dave, I will take the Cookie Monster figurine off your hands next time Ingrid goes on a declutter frenzy.
I made and consumed a very rich and calorie laden lasagne for dinner as it was cheat meal night tonight. I do realise that I also cheated last night, but it's my first week, I've got to take things slowly, that's why I've only gone to the gym once this week. It's all part of the plan. Yes it is, yes it is.
I sit here nice and bloated from the Indian take away I just had. Tonight I was meant to be at a friends birthday, but was too tired from my day of sifting through the clothes in my closet to find the special items that will guide me, like beacons of light on my journey from fat to fab.. no I take that back, far too cheesy, my journey from 'Oh f*$k what have I done' to 'yes, I fit into these leather pants, but have just realised I own leather pants'.
In order to get an idea for how far I needed to go, I found a nice selection of items to aim towards and then tried them all on. Now in order to take some good pics of the whole affair and not burn the irises of those who read this, I decided to wear what can only be described as an all in one fat covering suit that although intends to suck one in, actually takes any available wobble and redistributes it to very unnatural areas where the suit ends. I would rather my couple of inches around my waist, not concentrated just above my boobs or 20 centimetres down my legs. The only way to have a sucessful one of these suits is to cover the entire body, head included (I better patent that).
As I squeeze the fat redistributer over my body, it becomes evident (from the hysterics that my onlooking friend Sarah is now in) that this particular design has two large, intended, holes in it. One hole is in the front as sort of a belly button framer and the other is at the back of my crotch. I can't think of any practical reason for the holes, but the silver lining is that the belly button framer will hopefully see my belly button change from a sad face to a shocked face.
The Chosen Ones are as follows, from largest to smallest; A Basque suit, the pants I bought in a size 12 about 4 months ago, they should fit me in about 4-5 kgs time, these will be my first target, Kenji jeans, I actually picked these up today and said smuggly to my friend, these actually fit me, I was wrong, Patricia Field skinny jeans, my staples for a long time, a Cooper St lace see through top, a Nougat A-line skirt, a Wrangler mini skirt, a Third Millenium deco inspired gorgeous dress, equipped with price tag $550, never been worn, a Von Dutch denim skirt (remember Von Dutch), a Review dress, this didn't quite fit me when I wore it to my year 11 formal, during the night my breast popped out in protest while I was dancing with a boy, Lee purple skinny jeans that I wore when I first met Corey almost 4 years ago, the next item I'm not proud of, but I loved them at the time, they are Newspaper print pants, a Sportsgirl leather jacket, I bought this 7 year ago on a day when I recorded my lowest ever weight, I made the mistake of laybying the jacket, it didn't fit me when I picked it up 2 weeks later, a black pencil skirt, a Country Road tweed skirt that belonged to my mother that I've always wanted to wear, a vintage Prue Acton Purple dress and finally a pair of size 10 Leather pants.
Diet starts tomorrow.
Another year has started and I will reflect on the more poignant events of 2010 that has lead to me writing this blog. Number One, I saw my 20s end. I think my turning 30 is probably the catalyst to what happened next, Number Two, my boyfriend and I left the freedom and sanity of our shared home and... we both moved in with my mother.
There is a very good reason to why two seemingly sound minded adults would enter into a seemingly mad situation and that is the scare tactics of, actually I'm not sure who they are, but they have made us believe that unless we surrender our privacy and move in with my mother immediately in order to save the thousands of dollars needed to enter a whole lot of debt in purchasing our first home, we will soom be priced out of the market and forced to rent for the rest of our lives or buy a house in Shitsville, or worse, Bendigo.
Number Three, I'm fat. Fatter than I've ever been. At first I tried to ignore it as any smart women would when faced with the prospect of Christmas festivities and all that it brings (and for me that means everything plus what my mum refers to as Greek Stuffing but is actually breadcrumbs and onion fried in butter). As I emerged from Greek Stuffing day, I realised that the mirrors at my mum's house weren't just on a different angle to what I was used to, I was actually enormous.
Number Four, in the year 2010 I spent an improper amount of money on clothes. I consumed them in the same unconscious daze as I have consumed the food that has made me the fattest I've ever been. Furthermore, I have purchased them to try and flatter and hide the bits that have engorged. What do I have to show for this spending? A closet full of clothing (varying from awesome and expensive to vintage and extreme, punctuated by about 12 pairs of jeans) none of which fit me. For the last 7 days, I have been wearing the same outfit, subtly accesorised differently. This outfit is the only thing that fits me.
From these musings, a resolution has been born. For 365 days, I WILL NOT purchase any item of clothing. I WILL lose the weight that got me here and I WILL fit into all the clothes in my closet. And I WILL share it with the world, or with you Sarah, Ingrid and Corey. The benefits are threefold, I will save the money I would have spent on clothes and this will go towards my home deposit. I will lose the weight I've been vowing to lose for 15 years and I will fit into the clothes in the hoarders delight that is my closet.
This morning I did the unthinkable, I weighed myself and confirmed what I knew deep down, I have breached the 80s barrier (not in clothing, though stay tuned for that) I weigh 81.3 kilograms. I've done the numbers and have calculated that in order for me to fit into everything, including the size 10 pair of leather pants I have (and I'm talking old school size 10, not the size 10s of today that are closer to a size 14 Australian Standard) I will need to lose 18 kilograms off my 1.7 metre frame.
My beautiful and supportive boyfriend Corey has got in on the act too. He doesn't believe the Bonds knickers I wear are all that sexy, he is crazy, but I'll oblige. He has said that for every month I go without any clothing purchase, plus lose 1 kilogram in, he will buy me a pair of what he feels are sexy knickers. For every month where I lose 3 kilograms, he will buy me the matching bra and knickers. The last time he pointed out sexy underwear, we were at Sexyland and I think they may have been strawberry flavoured, so we've agreed that choosing these items will be a collaborative effort.
Let's go........................!
